when all is asleep
I'll be the one howling in the cloudy moonlight
tears rolling down my face as I scream into the night
this pain wouldn't hurt so bad
If there were a warm-blooded breath
who would stand by my side
and harmonize the dark music
that will seep into the hollows
and chill to the very bone
of even the strongest of creatures
for not even the streams can mistake
the sounds of a tortured heart
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
and so forth
Can a person live on an ongoing pattern of destruction and vice? Maybe we are not dealing with a "person" here.
And what really describes a "person"? any how? one who can eat, sleep, fuck, kill... who came up with this shit anyhow?
living means creation, destruction, creation, destruction... and so forth.
Anyone of us who can create/destroy... doesn't that describe what people view as godlike?
maybe we are all gods.
this scar over my heart, where I let my subconscious take over, still makes me wonder
what were my intentions?
maybe to draw a little life from this body?
such a miraculous contraption it is.
Just wanting to see how it works
like any curious kitten would rip the skin off a mouse
he just wants to see how the damned thing works
-but you tell me over and over and over again my friend
you dont believe we're on the eve of destruction-
And what really describes a "person"? any how? one who can eat, sleep, fuck, kill... who came up with this shit anyhow?
living means creation, destruction, creation, destruction... and so forth.
Anyone of us who can create/destroy... doesn't that describe what people view as godlike?
maybe we are all gods.
this scar over my heart, where I let my subconscious take over, still makes me wonder
what were my intentions?
maybe to draw a little life from this body?
such a miraculous contraption it is.
Just wanting to see how it works
like any curious kitten would rip the skin off a mouse
he just wants to see how the damned thing works
-but you tell me over and over and over again my friend
you dont believe we're on the eve of destruction-
Need
a vacation from devastation.
one thing after another hurling its way toward my fort.
The battles seemed so small, but when you're faced with one blow after another you tend to just want to fall behind.
every man for himself.
Something will help me out of this puddle of shit and blood
this poisonous gas, we're all forced to jump right in and see how long we can stand
but some will fall in the midst of it all.
and some will choose to get back on their feet and fight even when there seems like no end.
I'm trudging through this fire swamp and I see the oasis in the distance.
with bodies falling around me
some metaphors, some real
i can only daydream of the overwhelming pleasure you can never experience without the intolerable pain of the long roads you cross.
bliss.
one thing after another hurling its way toward my fort.
The battles seemed so small, but when you're faced with one blow after another you tend to just want to fall behind.
every man for himself.
Something will help me out of this puddle of shit and blood
this poisonous gas, we're all forced to jump right in and see how long we can stand
but some will fall in the midst of it all.
and some will choose to get back on their feet and fight even when there seems like no end.
I'm trudging through this fire swamp and I see the oasis in the distance.
with bodies falling around me
some metaphors, some real
i can only daydream of the overwhelming pleasure you can never experience without the intolerable pain of the long roads you cross.
bliss.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Life is so insane sometimes and we wish it wouldn't be that way, but what would life be without all of the crazy shit we experience? If it was all just the perfect world that we would write in a book life would be so boring and uneventful. Picnics by the sea. Biking through the woods. When do any of us ge sick and come over unannounced dressed up like a doctor with a bown of soup yelling "We're going to have to take that leg of yours if you want to survive the night." When do we get to smash bottles against the walls of the back alley at work when we're getting rid of the old shit that happened that weekend and starting over with our "i'll be sure not to try that again" additude. Sometimes I just feel so alive its scary, but its the adrenaline rush we crave that makes us tolerate this short life that we have. Fuck a stranger, drink till you piss yourself, question theory, see how far you can get and enjoy the ride.
Alright, enough with this sappy crap.
I've been experimenting with my electric drumset finally after Brad (sister's boyfriend) fixed the wires and such (he's a boom and sound tech). The greatest thing is that my set is so cheap that the wires bend occasionally making these static-y beats when I hit a pad too often.
I might start doing vocals for this minimal synth band Triumph of the Ill. That is if I can ever get past this writers block i've been dealing with. Everytime I go to write something, when I'm really inspired, I get a couple of lines down and then POOF the words just vanish. I've been remembering to write lines down when I think of them, to someday put them all together and make something out ofthem, but we'll just have to wait, won't we?
Going to have some sister tea time now. And I dont mean with sugar and milk. Although that sounds good as well. ^.^
Alright, enough with this sappy crap.
I've been experimenting with my electric drumset finally after Brad (sister's boyfriend) fixed the wires and such (he's a boom and sound tech). The greatest thing is that my set is so cheap that the wires bend occasionally making these static-y beats when I hit a pad too often.
I might start doing vocals for this minimal synth band Triumph of the Ill. That is if I can ever get past this writers block i've been dealing with. Everytime I go to write something, when I'm really inspired, I get a couple of lines down and then POOF the words just vanish. I've been remembering to write lines down when I think of them, to someday put them all together and make something out ofthem, but we'll just have to wait, won't we?
Going to have some sister tea time now. And I dont mean with sugar and milk. Although that sounds good as well. ^.^
Thursday, July 10, 2008
sweet/sour
The last week or so have been pretty overwelming (underwelming? what is welm anyways?).
Rest in peace, Kaylin Marie Matthews: My middle-slash-highschool best friend whom I've had a huge falling out with, but we've made amens because how could we stay mad at eachother forever? let alone almost a year.
She overdosed on the way back from EDC (electric Daisy Carnival) and was left just off the side of a main road up in the hills in agoura. This has made me a bit retarded and out of my mind since I've found out. Relationships (conversations with people) have been strange and I've just noticed how damn depressed I can get so quickly. I guess when one thing is eating away at you it's easy to let other things get a gnaw in as well. As they say, "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour". Here's to being hopeful after my sour week or longer.
On the bright side... before last saturday things were going rather well as felt from my previous posts. Money is starting to be saved up again instead of breaking even by the end of the month. I've been working the Melrose Aaardvark's and have met some very amazing and strange individuals. Those are good terms in my book.
I'm also starting to get sleepy later and later giving me more time after work to have some well deserved "Kimba Time". Not exactly what you think, but then again maybe exactly. I seem to give so much of my own time for other people and I am getting that feeling one always gets when it feels like I'm not getting enough in return. Not selfishly speaking, but people need creature comforts and tangible and constant evidence of people caring every so often is appreciated. So instead I just lock myself in my room for an unknown length of time until I feel like lending my company to anyone but myself.
Also, I was getting unbareable stomach pains a couple of weeks ago so my father perscribed Famatodine (like a perscription strength Pepcid AC) for my "pre-ulcer type symptoms. Way to make me feel llike an old man. Just let me pop one of my stomach pills and wash it down with my nightcap of straigh bourbon. Mmm, yes. Why not take the medication? I can eat and drink anything I want now.
end of transmission. My mind is turning off now.
Goodnig.. goodmorning.
Rest in peace, Kaylin Marie Matthews: My middle-slash-highschool best friend whom I've had a huge falling out with, but we've made amens because how could we stay mad at eachother forever? let alone almost a year.
She overdosed on the way back from EDC (electric Daisy Carnival) and was left just off the side of a main road up in the hills in agoura. This has made me a bit retarded and out of my mind since I've found out. Relationships (conversations with people) have been strange and I've just noticed how damn depressed I can get so quickly. I guess when one thing is eating away at you it's easy to let other things get a gnaw in as well. As they say, "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour". Here's to being hopeful after my sour week or longer.
On the bright side... before last saturday things were going rather well as felt from my previous posts. Money is starting to be saved up again instead of breaking even by the end of the month. I've been working the Melrose Aaardvark's and have met some very amazing and strange individuals. Those are good terms in my book.
I'm also starting to get sleepy later and later giving me more time after work to have some well deserved "Kimba Time". Not exactly what you think, but then again maybe exactly. I seem to give so much of my own time for other people and I am getting that feeling one always gets when it feels like I'm not getting enough in return. Not selfishly speaking, but people need creature comforts and tangible and constant evidence of people caring every so often is appreciated. So instead I just lock myself in my room for an unknown length of time until I feel like lending my company to anyone but myself.
Also, I was getting unbareable stomach pains a couple of weeks ago so my father perscribed Famatodine (like a perscription strength Pepcid AC) for my "pre-ulcer type symptoms. Way to make me feel llike an old man. Just let me pop one of my stomach pills and wash it down with my nightcap of straigh bourbon. Mmm, yes. Why not take the medication? I can eat and drink anything I want now.
end of transmission. My mind is turning off now.
Goodnig.. goodmorning.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
that woman
How I would love to introduce myself as Kimberly, Master Locksmith. What a title. I'm looking into taking a course for it to make some decent income. Possibly work for the CIA? In my dreams...
Getting back into shape. I need to be ready for the obstacles that await, or just feel really really good. My lungs need some tender care, too, if I'm not going to die of cardiac failure. I'd rather die from something less preventative: like falling far into the abyss or a fleshwound from fighting a mythical creature. Most likely, I wouldn't see that coming.
I put in the right fuel. Now I need to rev up that engine and get it working.
Also, learning to use a darkroom and possibly gymnastics. I always have so many thoughts running around. Sometimes I catch a few.
Getting back into shape. I need to be ready for the obstacles that await, or just feel really really good. My lungs need some tender care, too, if I'm not going to die of cardiac failure. I'd rather die from something less preventative: like falling far into the abyss or a fleshwound from fighting a mythical creature. Most likely, I wouldn't see that coming.
I put in the right fuel. Now I need to rev up that engine and get it working.
Also, learning to use a darkroom and possibly gymnastics. I always have so many thoughts running around. Sometimes I catch a few.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Pulp
Ashley just called me! I haven't talked to that bag of giggles in too long. Kalen and him were married not too long ago and they are going to get their tattoos soon (wedding rings with a ball and chain). They remind me of how much of a good time I had while I was living up there not very long ago. I can't even begin to imagine where in my life I would be right now if I had stayed there. I still think about it once in a while, but things happened differently than I expected and I'm happy where I am right now.
I have an apartment, insane friends, one hell of a boyfriend, and am saving money again. I may be jinxing it all, but if so than I'll take the chance.
And today starts the new mural on my wall. So far I have cut-outs of Fantomas, Lovecraftian art, and a naked picture of Kate Moss (where she is only wearing bondage rope; Makes you think she is damn fine even if you never had before).
Goodnite.
I have an apartment, insane friends, one hell of a boyfriend, and am saving money again. I may be jinxing it all, but if so than I'll take the chance.
And today starts the new mural on my wall. So far I have cut-outs of Fantomas, Lovecraftian art, and a naked picture of Kate Moss (where she is only wearing bondage rope; Makes you think she is damn fine even if you never had before).
Goodnite.
Monday, June 2, 2008
pg. 666
Hotel party at Michelean's room with the girls and a few boys. Roof jumping, loud noises, booze, the holy bible, and a little raunchyness added. There will be pictures.
The Tragedy show last night at the Cobalt was pretty awesome.
Recapitulate: Horchata, burritos, rum, first in line, sweaty people, more rum, huge tits, more sweaty people.
The after events were'nt half bad either.
I'm finally back at my apartment after these events and I can't wait to get the rest of my crap into this place. My walls are off white and baby-shit brown and I LOVE IT. All I need are some bookshelves and artwork on the walls and I think we've got ourselves a living space.
The Tragedy show last night at the Cobalt was pretty awesome.
Recapitulate: Horchata, burritos, rum, first in line, sweaty people, more rum, huge tits, more sweaty people.
The after events were'nt half bad either.
I'm finally back at my apartment after these events and I can't wait to get the rest of my crap into this place. My walls are off white and baby-shit brown and I LOVE IT. All I need are some bookshelves and artwork on the walls and I think we've got ourselves a living space.
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